Sometimes it feels like too much, the world, this life, my inner world, my thoughts...
When there isn’t a flood of stressors I can handle it ok, sometimes even pretty well. I have enough space to breathe. My routine is enough. Slower days bring me peace. But when life’s curveballs get thrown at me, I’m not so good, usually…
I was laid off a few months ago. It hasn’t been easy. The job search feels like a roller coaster I’m being forced to ride. I didn’t ask to get on it and I don’t like it. About a month or so in, I started seeing red flags that my mental health was starting to suffer. I’m trying to give myself extra support so that it doesn’t get worse, I hope.
It’s been years since my last major depressive episode. I hope to not have one again but I also know not to be overconfident. I have personally seen the power of nutrition and lifestyle medicine help maintain my mental health in recent years. That foundational support are now habits and my lifestyle, thankfully. After years of recovery, I still get scared it won’t be enough one of these days.
All I can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other. Do my best day by day, moment by moment — whatever that may look like.
I remember a past therapist telling me that big life changes, good or bad, might trigger depression. She was kindly giving me a warning. Something to be aware of. So I’m mindful of that as I make my way through life. The last time I experienced debilitating depression was after a cross-country move. I had a plan to look for a therapist as soon I got settled in. Months passed, maybe even a year, before I finally reached out for help.
Fast forward to today. I’ve seen progress. This time it’s all about prevention and not waiting too long to get support. In the last couple of months, I’ve added in extra therapy sessions at the first sign of struggle. I try to stick to my daily wellness routine and listen to my body for cues as to what type of self-care I might need. I’ve learned how to adapt my toolkit based on the nervous system state that I’m in — my stress response guides me.
I’ve been doing pretty good, all things considered. Life isn’t easy. It can sometimes feel like too much for me. I choose to keep trying, that is sometimes a battle in itself. The immense amount of work and energy it takes to maintain mental health recovery day to day is often not talked about.
I keep trying. I hope you will too. We’re all scattered across this planet in the trenches together.
Much love,
Viv
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